I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
