I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize