Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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