The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
