I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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