he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
