The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
