I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
