Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize