its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
