Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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