You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also, beer. Big fan.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
