Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
