I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
