I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
