Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
