I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
