Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
