should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
