I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
