I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
