I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
