i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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