Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
