Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize