I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
