you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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