u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize