The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
