She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
