i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
