My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
