No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
