pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
a search helicopter?!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
