i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
