White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
