My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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