So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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