I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
