Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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