She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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