My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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