OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
