Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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