hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
