I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
