My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
