But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
