My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There r osticjed everywhere
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
soo... how was my night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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