my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
