I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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