i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
