They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
