took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
