called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
