I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
