i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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