Betty ford says i'm here all night
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
