don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
