:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
