Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
