Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
