My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
