drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
