I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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