Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize