This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
