Quick, to the slutcave!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
