I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i love accidental penises.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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