you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
