the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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