I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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