Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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