Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
