So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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