she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
this boner is exhausting
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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