I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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