Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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