Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
