I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
