I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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