: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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